Save water by never washing your hands or flushing the toilet.
If you wait until you are extremely hungry before you eat you will enjoy your food much more. Some people use a similar method to diet. These people are called anorexic. The difference is that they don’t enjoy their food.
If you smoke two cigarettes at once it means you won’t have to smoke again for twice as long. You will also build up a resilience to short bursts of toxic gases.
Avoid embarrassment of people sharing your nude photographs by beating them to it. Involve a friend. Many people actually do this as a career and make a lucrative living this way.
Shampoo = Washing up liquid = Toothpaste
All cleaning products are exactly the same. Save yourself the trouble and just get a litre of bleach. Whatever life throws at you, you will be waiting.
Save money on coffee by drinking boiling hot water. After you scald yourself you will forget about it until it is cold. It will not be as enjoyable as intentionally cold water. Lazy scientists have never bothered to figure out why.
When people say ‘the picture of woe’, and a lot of people say that, they are referring to this picture.
This is actually a cover version. An MIT engineer created this exact picture, pixel by pixel, on a super computer in 1982. This is an attempt to recreate it using my hands and it’s safe to say I fucking nailed it. It is pretty much always safe to say that though. It’s unusual you will be punished for it.
Suddenly, 64 pencils rolled off the sill of the 3rd floor window into the babies pram. Luckily the baby was still in the sewer, where it had died three weeks earlier.
-Some other cunt